Hell Hath no Flurry

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There is a God. The snow report for Alta, Utah, says 127 cm of fluffy, white, heavenly goodness and I’m waiting patiently at the gates, so to speak. The entire Wasatch range—Mecca in the minds of true powder devotees—is digging out after a legendary dump at the exact same time that I happen to be in Salt Lake City on a story assignment. Yup, I am coincidentally here for the storm of the year. Somebody upstairs is looking out for me is my habitual first thought, grinding through traffic toward Little Cottonwood Canyon without a care in the world. I drive past a few Mormon, Baptist, Hindu and other assorted temples on the outskirts of SLC—a reminder that I’m here on a mission to interview one of 130 million American Christians (40 freakin’ percent of the entire population!) who interpret the Bible literally and therefore believe that mountains like the Wasatch Range—and by extension every snowflake and all the skiers soon to be snorkeling through them— were created by God, and not even all that long ago.

Hell Hath no Flurry

What separates Jamie Pierre, the man I’m here to interview, from the majority of these masses is that he’s also a damned-good skier, if I can be such a blasphemer. I’m more than just that, actually. I’m a Darwinist, atheist, realist sonofabitch who shouldn’t be thanking any divine being for a powder day even in jest. I curse the Catholic upbringing that served up tasty Kool-Aid during my youth until I head-crushed the Dixie-cup at university and started studying evolutionary biology. I know, for instance, it’s scientific fact that orographic lift is responsible for all the snow. And, for all you agnostic fence-sitters out there, I also know for a fact that God neither invented orographic lift, nor is He administering it with invisible puppet strings and snowy cloud-breath. Why does this deity even deserve capital letters, for Christ’s sake? I plan to bring up this and several other points with Pierre, the world record cliff-air master renowned for his piety on and off the slopes. Hopefully, in case he takes offence to my line of questioning, he also embraces pacifism...

ORIGINALLY FEATURED IN SBC SKIER MAGAZINE - TO VIEW THE FULL ARTICLE IN ALL IT'S GLORY, HEAD OVER TO WWW.SBCSKIER.COM | AUTHOR: STEVE OGLE | ISSUE 10.4

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