Author: Ryan Dunfee
This week GoPro announced the launch of their new camera, the Hero3+, and did so with the customary montage of next-level footage. GoPro athletes get faceshots o’plenty, rotating helmet cams, surf through deep barrels, BASE jump off crazy-looking rocks, mountain bike down Columbian streets, and wildlife made its entry in a big way this year, with orangutans towing the camera high into the trees, vultures flying above fields, blue whales gliding elegantly underwater, and even a pair of lions that appear to hunt down a human subject but instead cap off the film in a giant group hug of dangerous predators. GoPro wants you to think that the impossible is possible with this tidy little camera, and that every epic moment in life, from meeting native Africans to throwing backflips, should be captured, color corrected, and broadcast to the world. Well done, Abe Kislevitz.
Of course, TGR’s POV camera partner, SONY, is hot on GoPro’s heels. We’ve been working on the release of the new SONY NextLevelExperienceCam, which will blow all other digital devices out of the water, notably by introducing its presence to consumers with a montage of the following activities:
-Guy Fieri eating the world’s largest pulled pork sandwich while skydiving
-Spider monkeys beating bratty kids in Halo multiplayer
-Middle school students attempting to fly a helicopter with no previous flying experience or instruction
-Sandra Bullock piloting a space shuttle to the dark side of the Moon, never to return to Earth to make another crappy movie
-Sage Cattabriga-Alosa’s first decent of the solar system’s highest peak, Mars’ 69,949 foot Olympus Mons.
-A pair of bald eagles day-trading oil futures after ringing the opening bell on Wall Street
-POV action of a Virgin Galactic flight attendant serving cocktails in first class… in space!
-POV action of Russian government officials taking bribes from construction companies for the Sochi Olympics
-Tons of shots of kittens climbing out of cardboard boxes
-Bros fist-fighting for priority in the KT-22 liftline
-Beyonce Knowles cooking pancakes in a submarine
-Miley Cyrus twerking during Sunday mass in the Deep South
-The lions from the GoPro commercial drawing a map of New York City from memory
-A live 4K feed of Kanye’s self-congratulatory stream of consciousness
-Anthony Weiner losing the race for New York City comptroller while sexting Twitter followers
-Charlie Sheen playing Scrabble with Morgan Freeman
-A tank of live eels teaching the GoPro orangutan college-level economics!
As you rabid consumers all of things epic can understand, SONY is seriously stepping up its game in response to the needs of the modern rad person, who understands that while snowsports may be reaching a peak in progression, the sky is the limit when it comes to training wildlife to perform complicated human tasks.